My concept of friendship...

A friend asked me the other day for my opinion on his relationship with his friend. I didn't feel like I had enough time or the correct forum to do it then, I might as well do it now. First a little generalities about friendship.

I've always said that a true friend is a person who enters the room when everyone else walks out. They are there for you when you need someone without questions. I'm pretty lucky, I have some.

I found it a little easier in life to treat everyone like a friend, stranger, or foe. When I first thought about this, with a stranger I just treated them like a friend of ten years that I hadn't seen in one year. Had a little catching up to do a little, but the background was ok with you. You give them the benefit of the doubt and if they were a good person, after enough time, they simply are your friend. If they aren't someone who you need hanging around you... then just treat them as an acquaintance.

Now I think friendship is divided in three parts. Those parts are understanding, support, and acceptance. Might as well talk about them in order right?

When I mention understanding, I talk about the understanding of their character, a bit about their past, and a rapport of some kind. They have to be someone that you like and you need some sort of common ground that can be shared by the two of you.

Support is a tad more abstract but tangible at the same time. Support not only means to motivate and stand by, but it also means having a little faith in that person, believing them when they need it, and if need defending them. If you don't feel comfortable taking up for a friend, then really who would do it? And if you won't take that risk, where does that put you?

The last part is acceptance. I this part is key. This is the idea that you understand who they are, you support them, and you realize that they aren't going to change and that's ok with you. It's ok to get pissed when they do something that you don't like but you don't take it personal. It's most likely something they've always done and maybe always will. I'm not advocating that you can't help someone to become a better person, but I am saying that you can't make them change or hold it against them if they don't. Friends come and go in life. You can allow them to fade away, but you can also pick and choose the one's that are worth the effort to keep. Even then it may not be enough and you have to accept that too.

In life we all fight the same enemy and that enemy is loneliness.

I hope this helped my buddy to figure out his path...