Differences...

One of the hardest truths in life to grasp is that as much as we want and think we are right, sometimes we are wrong. Sometimes we think our way is the only way but sometimes there are many ways. Even if we believe something so strongly it must be a fact, ultimately it's still just opinion. No person has all the right answers.

We are a collection of the things that we've seen. We become the experiences we've had. We handle things the way we've seen things being handled before. We are actions of our parents, the lessons from our teachers, and the discipline from authority.

Everyone is different and from different backgrounds. We've all had different experiences and have seen things differently. No two people are completely alike and this is a blessing. Even you and your "soul mate" won't agree on absolutely everything and will have some different views from time to time. These differences are not a bad thing at all, rather a great thing.

The differences in people are the things that allow us to learn. We can use these differences to learn about ourselves and the other people. These differences are the things that defined us in the first place. Discovering technique that worked and styles that meshed came from watching ones that succeeded and failed. We are what we've seen.

We can also use these differences to realize how similar we all are as well. We all have problems and no one is always right. We all stumble from time to time and we all have help others who've done the same. We are all just people in the world, let's do the best job we can...

Listening...

One of the important things I needed to learn about myself was I didn't know anything about being assertive. This realization forced me to look inside and be true to myself. I had to be honest with myself and start from zero. One thing I've always held to be fact was look to experts when seeking advice. To me everyone was somewhat of an expert so I had to respect what people told me when I asked a question. I had to learn to listen.

Listening was a lot harder than it sounded and I noticed incredibly more rare than people were willing to admit. Having been forced to humble myself and seek the advice of others, I felt they only way to be respectful was to listen. To be successful, emulate the people who were successful... for me that was to watch and observe outgoing people.

I followed, watched, and mirrored their actions but more importantly I listened to the advice that they gave me. I had to teach myself that asking for help wasn't a huge obstacle, asking for advice wasn't insulting, and criticism wasn't a negative but a positive. Even these facts becoming apparent were huge steps in my growth.

Listening is not the art of hearing but the art of focusing and understanding. It doesn't require part of your attention but all of it. Learn to listen, life becomes easier...

My first few strokes...

So my journey had began and I had really no direction. Dissatisfied with the way things were, I branched out and took risks that were further and further outside of my comfort zone. I thought that each step, right or wrong, was a step in the right direction... and boy there were many steps.

I don't view things that go badly as mistakes. I think of them as experiences. Some experiences are better than others but experiences come with lessons. Experiences help shape and mold us. You can learn as much from a success as a mistake as long as you truly learn from it. Learn from your "mistakes" and try not to duplicate them.

So my original approach was simply "action". Just get out there, try and do. I referred to it as "sink or swim" because there was little technique but only instinct. "Trial and error" was an understatement, but I learned a lot of lessons. Life is about personal growth and I grew by leaps and bounds.

I began to think about the mindsets that I began to form. A few of the things I was forced to learn was humility, honesty and openness, as well as confidence and comfortableness. I was also forced to harness my ability to listen and to take direction. I didn't know it all,in fact I knew nothing. I did recognize the fact to emulate the people in the positions that I wanted to be in. Follow people who are successful and going places.

Even these huge revelations had consequence, but I was ready for the challenge. Nothing could get in my way...

Finding your voice...

Growing up extremely shy I had a terrible time finding the courage to really say much. I was embarrassed of my voice and tried everything I could never to use it. The part of me that tolerated my voice didn't think the things I had to say were important enough to be said. I thought my thoughts were unimportant and began to feel like I wasn't good enough to ever speak up for myself.

As I began to learn how to overcome my shyness, I began to speak up more. If people were going somewhere I wanted to go, I found the strength to ask if I could go... and you know what, they usually said yes. At restaurants, I began to summon the courage to request my food the way I wanted it, and sure enough, it wasn't a major problem. I learned that you only get what you ask for... people can't read minds.

One of the things I remember that was a problem when I was shy was never really saying how I felt. I hinted about it. I could infer it... but there was no way I could ever be direct. Beating around the bush used to be my favorite game. Since people did not always pick up on my hints and since people do not read minds, I was often disappointed.

Not being direct lead to a few other problems other than not getting the things I wanted... I often wasn't understood. Things I tried to say got taken the wrong way. People made a lot of assumptions and I didn't really have to words to express myself. Poor communication will lead to countless fights and I was the king of poor communication.

Not being direct and being misunderstood a lot, I learned to keep a lot of my feelings bottled up inside me. After time I realized that was crazy. You can't keep everything you feel bottled up inside you, you'll explode.

The more I began to shed my shyness, the more direct I began to be. I was beginning to tell people the things I liked and more importantly the things I didn't. I learned to get things off my chest and it made me feel a lot better. My happiness mattered to me and I learned that no one would know how I felt unless I told them. I finally felt like I found my voice.

Finding your voice opened many doors for me. Understanding that being direct and communication would ultimately make me a happier person. People don't have to do the things you want or act the way you want them to... but if they won't if you never tell them. People can't read minds nor can they guess how you feel. Sometimes you just have to tell them.

Keep smiling everyone, it's going to be a nice day out...

"May I help you?"

I came to realize that I didn't want to be shy anymore and wanted to become more assertive but I didn't know how to accomplish it. Instead of formulating a plan I simply began doing things that would force me out of my comfort zone. Life is a process and my approach was quite the learning experience.

I began trying new things on my own. I started small, things like talking more in class or becoming more vocal when making plans. So often in the past I would simply sit back quietly and watch things unfold around me. I was merely a spectator in my classes, with my friends, in my life. These "small" battles served as enormous steps for me as well as huge motivating tools. I realized that so many of the things that had been roadblocks in the past were simply self-imposed. I knew I had to do things even harder, I knew I had to do things even further outside my comfort zone.

Although I had become more and more comfortable around the people I already knew, I understood that I had to overcome an even bigger fear... I had to become comfortable around strangers. This came with quite the learning curve. A failure truly isn't a failure if you learn from them and boy did I learn quite often. For every success there were ten failed chances. For every random "hi" I quietly mustered, there were a thousand missed opportunities and a thousand excuses to go along with them. You can always find an excuse not do do something right?

Once again I had to take a plunge. Realizing I needed a sense of accountability in order to decrease my excuse making, I joined the big scary world of retail selling. This made it my job to approach strangers. With my boss looming over my head, I was forced to come out of my shell a little. Having frequented the place for years, it was still a pretty safe step, but a particularly important one as well.

Each step in our lives in a positive direction is as important step. No step is too small and no step should be discounted. Life is a process...

Sink or swim...

I had long wondered why people did extreme sports. To me they mostly looked dangerous and unnecessary. I had never done anything "dangerous" so I didn't understand the allure. For me, I couldn't see their value. I had always thought it was easier to stay comfortable than to take risks.

We I began coming out of my shell I began to learn the importance of taking risks. I began to understand the attraction to the adrenaline. Without understanding the reward, it was hard to gauge the risk. I lived my life making all the safe plays and I knew I wanted and needed more. I started craving the rush.

Desire was only half the battle, unfortunately actual effort and risk were the other. I found wanting to do something was a lot easier than actually following through with it. It's a lot easier to talk and think a big game, but those first steps in doing it were incredibly hard. As hard as they were I understood they were necessary. In order for me to grow as a person, I needed to take more risks.

Even though I got to the point of knowing I needed to change, I didn't know how. Instead of spending time trying to figure out the exact best way of going about it, I decided it was best to dive right in. I either had to sink or swim and I knew I had to swim.

My swim began with a series of little things. I label them "little things" now but to me they seemed like impossible steps. I decided to speak up a little more. Instead of simply thinking an opinion, I actually started voicing my views. I wasn't overbearing about it, more along the lines of quiet and timid. I doubt anyone even noticed or batted an eyelash, but to me I had just won the Superbowl. My rapidly beating heart was rewarded with the thrill of victory. To me, a simply sentence was an extreme sport. I had began understanding adrenaline and it felt really good...